I’d ride a million miles if I didn’t have piles.

Old badgerbonce has been a bit quiet lately – he’s had piles. Piles of work that is.
Not only that he’s had the delight of being on Skyrides local.
Talking of Skyrides his vanity has reached an all time high/low recently.  Some poor deluded people thought he was famous.
To explain. A group of Skyride leaders went for a publicity/social ride to Leeds Bradford Airport. Photos were being taken both outside the airport and airside – posh way of saying the runway side.
As the group was going back through the airport and woman approached BB and asked if we were famous cyclists – her grandson was watching what was going on and wanted to know what was going on. Rest assured the truth was told – honest! His head was soon out of the clouds. He was brought back to earth with a stage whispered comment – he’s too old and fat for that. Not sure if it was a member of the public or another Sky rider who said it.

PS. If you are ever facing a wait at LBA do try the Yorkshire Lounge. There is a cost but it is well worth it

A Capital idea or was it?

BB is just back from a holiday with a difference – before going further those of a nervous disposition should exit the page and children if you read on don’t try this at home. It sounded like a good idea at the time – doing a charity ride called London Nightrider 2011. In a nutshell it involved riding 70 miles plus through central London taking in all the tourist sites through the middle of the night. Looking like a badly trimmed Christmas tree we set off – take a tip – those red flashing lights and armbands from the pound shop worked a treat – from Ally Pally to Crystal Palace and back again on a different route.
BB and Mrs BB hit the West End around 2am. OMG – BB is told that is a trendy thing to say. There were 1000 riders taking part – the vast majority of who were clenching teeth, buttocks and anything else to keep their nerves steady. Thousands of revellers were on the streets along with buses, taxis and cycle rickshaws. Shall we just say getting though Trafalgar Square, Piccadilly Circus, Regent Street, and cycling through Covent Garden was an interesting opportunity.
The return journey at dawn– through Canary Wharf and watching the sun glint on St Paul’s and pedalling over Tower Bridge was however awesome.
It has to be said the biggest danger of them all was potholes in the road – which according to another site led to injuries and damage to bikes. This is not meant as a scare tactic – compared to London our roads are paradise. When you are out of a Skyride the leaders will be aware of road conditions and safe action will be taken. For the best way to deal with a pothole why not ask one of the leaders at the big Skyride event which is just round the corner.

Vain old twerp

Out of the mouths of babies…………in this case a young girl on a Sky Ride local. Old BB – or now it should be BBB – old brown badger bonce – yep he forgot the factor 52 again and fried what’s left of his brain
Back to the tale- there he was in his best Shy Ride leader kit thinking he looked the bees knees when a shout went up——-look at the lovely old man with a grey beard. BB nearly leapt out of his saddle thinking it was him. Thankfully the girl who shouted was not looking at the vain old twerp sat on me – she was looking at a statue of a great Victorian philanthropist in a park.
Do me a favour though folks. Before you set off on a Sky Ride local, or any ride for that matter, slap the old sunscreen lotion on. It is quite amazing how quickly the wind and sun can scorch your skin. If it gets you behind the knees you’ll know about it.

Strawberry oil massage

I’m glad BB is sitting on me and I’m well covered from view – or I’d die of embarrassment.
Before I go on I think he’s experimenting again with another type of anti-chafe cream. Smells worse than he did once when he came out of a Turkish bath – in Turkey – after a strawberry oil massage. That said, if you really get into cycling it is worth investing in a tub or tube of a good chamois cream.
I digress. The reason for my shame? BB has changed his front brake blocks and made a right dog’s breakfast of it. Every time he puts on the brake there’s a squeal that sounds like it is coming from one of those old Hammer horror films. Wouldn’t care but he has spent a wedge on bike maintenance courses.
It is stating the obvious but before you go out on a Sky Ride , or any ride for that matter, check you brakes are working. Again, there are different types of brakes, blocks, discs and pads.
Your brakes are your life saver so if you are in any doubt get advice from good bike shop; check on the internet or get/borrow a good book. If your brakes aren’t working on the day and can’t be fixed in a jiffy then the Sky Ride leader will have to rule you out.

Two timing sugar daddy

BB announced he was going out to risk asses a particular Sky Ride. Great I thought – lovely scenery, traffic free, sun shining. So what does he do – the two timer! He shoves me back in the rack and gets out his other bike – with a sleek American number of a saddle. White leather trimmed with black and red and as slim as can be. He looks like a sugar daddy who has just bought a flash motor to impress.
I will have the last laugh as he’ll be walking like John Wayne when he gets back.
I suppose I should have mentioned this to start with, but your saddle height and position is crucial. If you are new to cycling it can make or break your ride. If your bike is new your bike shop should have fitted you to it. If not there’s a number of things you can do.
Saddles and their position and height are a very personal thing so I would suggest: – get advice from a good bike shop; look on the internet- there’s information there that even BB can follow; or get/borrow a good book about cycling.
Note from Mrs BB to all lady cyclists – for comfort she has her saddle tilted down very slightly at the front and asks me to point out to all that knickers should not be worn under cycle shorts! …and that goes for BB too.

Avoid the ginger curse

It’s alright for BB. He’s soaking his athletic frame – pipe cleaner legs sticking out of a pudding more like it – in the bath. Actually when he’s got his helmet on he looks like one of the characters in the ‘for mash get Smash adverts.’ As you may gather I’m not in the best frame of mind – pun intended, get it! Just been tapping out a few miles; the heavens opened, muck and mire all over the place.

We get home and he lovingly washes and wipes down every bit of the bike – but for me not even a quick flick from the magic microfibre cloth. I might be a bit of old leather with some padding and a groove, but I have feelings.

Seriously though it might be a pain but you need to look after your bike. Giving it a wash after a ride not only gets rid of all the dirt and grit but it also gives you the chance to check everything is in working order so you are ready to go again at a moment’s notice. Keep your chain clean and lubed – otherwise it will turn ginger!!!!!!!!!!! No we are not going there.

Sky Ride time

It’s Sky Ride time again in Bradford.

Old Badger Bonce is rifling through his drawers looking for his last year’s Ride Leader kit. He’s living in hope – cycling kit stretches but not that far!

Before going on I should explain that I am a bicycle saddle, who for a number of years now has been the ‘throne’ for BB on his many cycling adventures. He was dubbed BB – badger bonce – after getting suburned. He took off his helmet after a ride and being follicly challenged you could clearly see the ventilation hole pattern on his pate which resembled a badgers bum. He says he’s called BB for a different reason – but obviously I know the truth.

BB and I have been nominated a number of Sky Ride Local in Bradford  this year and of course we’ll be on duty at our local Sky Ride event. I’ve also been asked to keep you posted on preparations for the rides so that we all have a safe and fun time. So keep checking for regular updates.

Whatever happens get your name down for a Sky Ride local and get along to the big event in a city near you.